He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
