yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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