I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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