and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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