dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
