he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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