Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
