i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
