just tell him i said nine months
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
