Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
