I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
