ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
