11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
