Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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