maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize