3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
