your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
