He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need a beard to bite.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize