I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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