yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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