He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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