hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize