Someone shit on the floor
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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