I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize