yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
