For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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