I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
