Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
