I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize