I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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