Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
