Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
