you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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