You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
