please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And then he peed in my hair
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