I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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