Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
