Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
