Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
