well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize