i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
