Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
