Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
