you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize