she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm too high and old for this...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize