How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
