i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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