its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
