Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
