I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize