I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
