she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
