i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize