I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you had me at cake vodka
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
