Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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