I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
