"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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