you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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