I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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