do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
