I CAN MOONWALK!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
