I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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