That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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