her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
