I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
