I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
