Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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