hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
