erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
