So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize