First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
