Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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