Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
