His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
