I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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