She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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