In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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