why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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