Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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