First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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