I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
barbara walters just said penis...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
