i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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